July 1, 2014 life as we new it changed for my family. On this day my daddy was officially diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. Life really began to change way before the official diagnosis came. About a year before this we began noticing daddy shake. Sometimes it was all day, sometimes it was just here and there. But it was not going away. March of 2013 daddy had major shoulder surgery. It was to reattach the bicep muscle in his right shoulder. The shaking got worse after this. Then he told us little things, like washing his hair was beginning to get harder to do; as if his brain wasn't communicating with his body.
In late August 2014 daddy went to have the DaTScan. This is a scan of his brain to determine if he, in fact, did have Parkinson's. The two week wait for results felt like an eternity. Much praying was happening on his behalf.
July 1, 2014 finally came. This day seemed to last even longer than an eternity. I waited by the phone, not so patiently. They never called. Then around 3pm there was a knock on my door. My kids were bouncing off the walls excited to see Nana and Pop. I knew at that moment what the scan showed. My parents came in and made chit chat with the kids. I, again not so patiently, was waiting for them to tell me the news.
"I have Parkinson's." My heart fell and then busted into millions, upon millions, of tiny pieces. I was sitting next to daddy when he told me. As my heart fell, I fell into his lap and cried. I felt like I would never stop. "You are only 53, this can't be right...I don't understand...its not fair....this sucks..." all of this managed to come out through the tears. He cried with me. My mom cried with us. I managed to get myself together and asked, "What does this mean?" His response, "I don't know much yet." He then began to explain what Parkinson's disease was.
In a nutshell: Parkinson's disease is a disorder of the brain that leads to shaking (tremors) and difficulty with walking, movement, and coordination." (Google)
Parkinson's patients are given between a 10-15 year expectancy before they are completely bedridden or die. There are also a few stages of Parkinson's. At this point they didn't know exactly what stage he was in. They had also started him on a medication that was supposed to help his tremors and give him more energy.
My broken heart then began to turn from sadness to anger. So angry I couldn't breathe. I laid in daddy's lap and told him this. He began to cry again said, "I know how you feel. You need to let it go, and let it go soon. Tell God you are angry and let him take it away." This was easier said than done.
My anger lasted almost 4 months. I kept trying to give it up and I couldn't. My pride was getting in the way. I finally let it go and then began to grieve.
Daddy's symptoms kept getting worse. He began having what they call "freezing spells." And it's literally where his body freezes up and can't move. It can last just a few seconds or up to a minute or more. In these moments we aren't supposed to talk to him. All we can do is make sure he doesn't fall over. Shortly after this his balance began to go. Not all the time, just some. His tremors got worse. His medicine wasn't working as it should.
We didn't understand what was going on. No one wanted to talk about what was going on. My sister was bottling it all up inside and trying to plan her wedding that was supposed to happen in late October. My mom and daddy were trying to grieve and figure out how to handle everything. I, however, wanted to talk. I wanted to help. But, there was nothing I could do.
I had to just keep praying and trying to breath. How do you breathe when there seems to be no air or answers?
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